Understanding the Emotional Landscape: A Journey in a New Language

Arriving in the USA for my studies, I experienced an overwhelming sense of sadness. This feeling drove me to seek help from the school’s counseling services, a step that opened my eyes to the nuances of language – particularly the difference between ‘contain’ and ‘include.’

The Nuances of Language

How many native Chinese speakers can differentiate between the words 苦闷 (kǔmèn), 忧伤 (yōushāng), 忧愁 (yōuchóu), 哀伤 (āishāng), 烦闷 (fánmèn), 悲伤 (bēishāng), and 惆怅 (chóuchàng)? While some may claim superiority in their understanding, I genuinely grasp the different implications these words carry. The distinction is not merely about degrees of emotion; it’s akin to experiencing varying textures, colors, and scents.

Language as a Tool and a Lifeline

For me, choosing my words is akin to strategizing in a battle or directing a vital operation. Yet, the soldiers in my linguistic army are solely my mother tongue—Chinese. Abandoning Chinese feels like relinquishing half of my existence. This loss is not about tangible benefits; rather, it’s a matter of survival and identity.

Finding Relief in a Foreign Tongue

However, using a foreign language isn’t devoid of advantages. Interestingly, immersing myself in the world through English provides moments of tranquility. During this process, I can experience a state akin to ‘no-self,’ where I momentarily forget the harsh or vibrant connotations behind the words.

A Dual-edged Sword of Sensitivity

This might be a flaw common among highly sensitive individuals. In my mother tongue, emotions can overflow—intense sadness can feel all-consuming. Conversely, in a foreign language, my emotions often remain unexpressed, leaving a silent sadness in their wake. It’s a complex dance of vulnerability and resilience, navigating the emotional terrain of life in a new language and culture.

Conclusion

Adapting to life in America has challenged and reshaped my understanding of language and emotion. It’s a journey filled with highs and lows, where every word carries the weight of cultural significance and personal experience. Through this exploration, I’ve discovered the power of both my native and adopted languages in expressing the intricate tapestry of my feelings.