Reflections of a Student Abroad in the USA

Reflections of a Student Abroad in the USA

It’s undeniable that recent events have taken a toll on many of us, and I’ve found myself feeling quite uncomfortable over the last few weeks. This discomfort has manifested in various ways, including chronic pain; only someone who has studied abroad can truly understand this struggle. 😔

Questioning My Journey

This morning, while lying in bed and staring at the ceiling, I found myself questioning what my years in the 🇺🇸 (from the age of 12 to now at 27) have truly given me. From middle school to soon graduating with a graduate degree, it’s clear I’ve received higher education and been exposed to diverse environments—cities, cultures, and communities. I’ve witnessed countless experiences and gained invaluable growth along the way.

Changes in the American Landscape

Interestingly, life felt more manageable before certain political figures took office. The anxiety surrounding visa revocations and exclusionary policies has left me feeling scared. It’s a surreal and overwhelming experience, making me realize that the 🇺🇸 I once admired has changed in my eyes. Perhaps, however, this has always been part of its historical narrative.

A Desire for Escape

After reflecting deeply, I’ve thought about what actions I could take to feel better amidst this chaos. The theoretical solution I arrived at was a radical one: returning to my home country, but not to Shanghai—a city associated with capitalism. Instead, I imagined going to a rural area, somewhere without internet access, and disconnecting completely for three months. 🤪

The Reality of my Situation

However, I’m painfully aware that this is far from reality. I still have job searches and visa concerns to tackle. 🫠😔 Being alone in a foreign country is incredibly challenging, especially when faced with issues like identity, language barriers, and feelings of isolation. Experiencing microaggressions and the pressure to assimilate can lead to chronic anxiety and stress. 🤪 But perhaps this resonates with the experiences of other minority groups too.

Reassessing My Place in America

It’s precisely because of this awareness that, despite feeling more comfortable and building attachments to U.S. culture over the years, I’ve started questioning whether my experiences here genuinely reflect belonging.

Sometimes I wonder, despite having spent most of my life in this country—growing up here, receiving an education, and making friends and partners—does the 🇺🇸 truly accept me? Such questions bring about sadness and a sense of despair regarding my current situation. The bitter truth may be that the answer is no. 🥲

In Conclusion

On a recent lonely Sunday, I found solace in writing these thoughts down. I want to extend my gratitude to anyone who has taken the time to read this. To all international students out there—please take care of yourselves. 🤍✨ Sending you big hugs!

This journey has been incredibly tough, and while the future remains uncertain, I hope that everything turns out well for all of us. 🥲 #StudyingAbroad #StudentLife #IdentityStruggles #MentalHealthJourney

Image captured at Shanghai Pudong Airport, reflecting on the moment of boarding my flight back to the USA. (Though Shanghai no longer feels like home.)